Hallelujah Mama

Levi, part of me is missing and with you.  This morning I feel that hole and am struggling with how to keep the smile turned on and my focus and to be all festive, when I want to crumble.  Am I able to be myself and let family hold me today and this weekend?  I didn't know I would feel this way days before Christmas.  I am altered and part of me wants to pretend none of this happened.  Most of me wants to hibernate and stew and emerge, having birthed some amazing...new...something... to try and fill the hole.  I love you Levi.  Thank you for leaving me a legacy of searching deeper and lessons of being true to myself.