Monday, March 28, 2011

Missing you

Levi Matthew – I woke up sad this morning.  That hasn’t happened, in some time now.  My nightstand is filled with all the cards and mementos I have kept, from finding out we were expecting you to when we lost you.  Thank you for putting in a word with God to send us a new bundle of joy and hope and dreams…and I miss YOU.  Jacob is excited about this new life.  He tells me, at this point, he wants and thinks the baby is a girl.  Then, he wants a baby brother after her.  He will randomly blurt out, “I miss Levi.”  I think Jacob has a crush on a girl from preschool, because she’s pretty, “wears beautiful dresses”, and Jacob often mentions that she has a baby brother named Levi.  Last night, Jacob insisted he felt this new brother or sister, in my tummy.  Then he proclaimed, “This baby won’t die!”  Your big brother does not realize the power and innocence of his words.  I do not fear losing this little one.  I get really upset that we won’t know you the way we wanted to.  I have learned so much and am learning so much after losing you – and I am grateful for that.  It’s only sometimes that I feel truly robbed and cheated.  This morning is one of those times. 

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