Monday, March 21, 2011

Don’t get caught up in the mire and muck…


I am trying to figure out what this Windows Live Writer is….I am very confused.  I feel there is too much technology, which I haven’t kept up with.  I feel I have great tools, at my fingertips that wouldn’t cost me anything to accomplish much with – but I also get very overwhelmed with so many options and buttons and sparklies.  It is times like these, I truly ask God, “Why did you create me for such a time as this?” 

There are many things I could write and update you on.  I am just at a place, in my life, where I’m not interested in sharing details, broadly.  Sometimes, it is out of fear – fear of exposing myself to criticism and judgment or gossip.  Sometimes, it is to guard my heart and now the life growing inside of me, by not blabbing so much.  Sometimes, it is because, so many things are disturbing, within extended family; friends; our community; our nation; other nations and it all drains me greatly.  I just can’t afford to allow my physical health to get so caught up in all the stimulation.  Sometimes, I feel guilt that I’m doing family or friends an injustice by not becoming totally engaged in their problems or habits.  But several things have been made clear to me over the course of my life and truly just the past 3-4 years. 

  • People – even those we love so much and we know love us so much – can not fix the problems that are ours and ours alone. 
  • There truly are hard times, that we endure alone, as individuals, married or single, there are struggles that are for the strengthening of the individual.
  • In general, people don’t care about all the problems we have.  They only find it interesting when they see positive results coming from the problem – or when we actually solve our problems. 

I am learning that the things I feel impassioned for, do not require any further action, than prayer.  Sometimes, I run a gamut of emotions for issues.  I instantly feel inferior and what can I do to “fix” this?  I can pray. I must not underestimate the undeniable energy and powers that are tangible, even if they are invisible, when I focus on my Creator and become a conduit of His healing powers or wisdom, through prayer.

My son said to me last week, “God lives in Heaven.” I looked deep, in his big, blue eyes and said, “Jacob, God lives in YOU.   He breathed His life into us.  He’s so close to us, He’s IN us.”  Judging by how my son’s eyes sparkled, he “got” it.  I pray for child-like faith for all of us. 

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