The title of this post is all I've been doing for a week. I want to write. I don't want to gush over pregnancy. I don't want to give great account to the hormonal hell I've been experiencing. I don't want to talk about struggles within. I can't figure out what kind of blog this should be now. I feel like I'm too far past [8 months ago today] losing Levi to continue talking about the flashbacks I get when I feel Sweet Pea move or with Braxton Hicks contractions.
So, here is what I'm praying for and hoping for and I ask that you join me. Monday is our 18 week ultrasound and anatomy scan. I am expecting to see the placenta shifted upward. I am expecting to see Sweet Pea swimming and moving A LOT. I am expecting the measurements of the anatomy scan to be exactly where they should be. I am expecting and really hoping for joy to return, for a tangible excitement, in my heart. I want the innocence back that I had before Levi died. I feel like someone has super-glued a shroud to my face and I cannot see, really see through death. I have faith that what I cannot see is there and that all is well, and yet this stupid cover is on my face, blocking my vision.
So, here is what I'm praying for and hoping for and I ask that you join me. Monday is our 18 week ultrasound and anatomy scan. I am expecting to see the placenta shifted upward. I am expecting to see Sweet Pea swimming and moving A LOT. I am expecting the measurements of the anatomy scan to be exactly where they should be. I am expecting and really hoping for joy to return, for a tangible excitement, in my heart. I want the innocence back that I had before Levi died. I feel like someone has super-glued a shroud to my face and I cannot see, really see through death. I have faith that what I cannot see is there and that all is well, and yet this stupid cover is on my face, blocking my vision.
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