Fashion

I have been really struggling with this topic –for 10 years. As a chubby woman, I gave up a long time ago on having my own style. Limited to plus size clothes has made it easy to shop at “Lane Giant” and convince myself that I walk out with outfits that speak to my own flair. In reality, I’m just wearing what every other fat chick has to walk out of the mall wearing. 

While I am very grateful to be expecting again, watching the scale climb back up where I don’t want to be..has been very frustrating. This baby has caused alterations in my structure that I didn’t know were possible.  It has been depressing to me. Before Sweet Pea’s pregnancy, I was making excellent progress in losing weight and clothes were becoming fun again. I was talking [actually I was whining] to my mom last night about how pants are impossible to find because I’m wide in the hips and very short in the legs. I love to wear dresses. I need to find a dress pattern and make about it in about 16 different colors for the summer. If I could get away with it, I would totally bring the June Cleaver collection back. I love petticoats and belts and pearls and aprons, pill box hats and gloves. In one last attempt this morning, I googled “maternity dresses”. A link caught my eye and I fell for the brilliant marketing of their name. I <3 words. Shabby Apple. Sounds yummy and sexy and clever, doesn’t it? While, I didn’t find anything that will help me, immediately. They do have MY style! SO…when Sweet Pea is a bundle in my arms, this website will be where I will want to shop. It gave me renewed hope and perspective this morning. I told mom last night, I just have to make the decision to be at peace with the work I’ve done, with weight and how it’s being undone by making Sweet Pea.  It’s all worth it. While my two boys, helped me lose weight during pregnancy, that’s not how this one is going and I’m going to be fine with it. In the meantime, check out www.shabbyapple.com . Tell me what you think! Have any of you shopped there before?

p.s. I painted my toenails for Easter Sunday. We will have our next ultrasound when Sweet Pea is 18 weeks years old, in my womb. I think about Levi often. I am elated for Sweet Pea, and I still miss my son I didn’t meet. My toenails look pretty and it’s so weird how such a think takes me right back to the saddest day and darkest season of my life.

Absence

Hubby has been gone since Tuesday evening to a conference. I take these times with Jacob to *spoil* him. We eat junk food, drink soda, skip bath time, read lots of stories, watch movies, dance like fools, go shopping, stay up past bedtime, make up funny voices/characters and faces to match. I so enjoy that he and I can snuggle and a simple game of calling each other names of desserts will entertain us for 20 minutes, with giggles and howling. He woke up and crawled in my bed this morning. “I’m still so tired Mama.”, he said. I ALMOST said, “let’s skip preschool today and you and I can start our weekend NOW.” I almost did that. Then, I realized that would be bad for next year and starting kindergarten.

We are excited for daddy to return home. I am so grateful for the wholeness I feel with my guys. It sounds like Stevo scored me a can of Strawberry Fanta from his conference session yesterday afternoon!  Booyah! Absence doesn’t make my heart grow fonder towards my husband. Absence stares me, in the face, and shows me all the ittiest, bittiest, daily details that I miss that make our relationship, which causes me to thank God. When Steve calls me and tells me that he’s bringing me  home a surprise and then he spills that it’s a can of Strawberry Fanta, well, it just makes me feel giddy that he pays attention to a detail like that. This is where he would joke and say, “how could one not pay attention to that detail…you talk about it every day.” Still, I know men that aren’t that sweet on their wives and I know I am blessed with a playful sort of fellow who will get lots of shuga when he gets home to us.

Thank you Heather!!!

Just want to post a shout-out to my friend, Heather. She designed me a new header and I love it.  :) 

Now, I must let you go. Jacob and I have to drive to the store to get some milk.  Lucky Charms are what's for dinner tonight. Daddy is not home tonight - why cook? :)  Enjoy your Wednesday evening!

Mumbo Jumbo

My brain is random this morning.  I want to write a post, have no idea what to write about and am just positive that my readers want to read mumbo jumbo. So, here it goes…

I mostly like to lay these days. No, not eggs, just lay. I am kind of frustrated on several counts.

1. I have no maid.
2. Why did this exhaustion and lack of motivation come when first trimester is winding down?
3. I am 22lbs. lighter than my pregnancy with Levi and I have to go up a pants size larger than with Levi because my pear-shaped figure has totally gone to butternut squash figure.
4. I find myself wishing for a night out at the old “Bucks” in Cedar Rapids. A night to get my shake on and have burned off every calorie from the week because I danced and sweated so much.

Here are the things that make me happy and laugh..

1. The Ellen Show
2. Hines Ward’s smile
3. Strawberry Fanta –though I haven’t found any yet for me to buy a case.
4. When Hubby talks to the baby by treating my belly button as a megaphone to the uterus and Sweet Pea.
5. Sweet Pea making movement, I can feel once he or she hears Daddy’s voice via his or her surround sound system – this also makes me cry with joy.
6. Jacob told me that he doesn’t have a credit card.  ???  When did he learn about a credit card? I didn’t learn about one of those til I was 19.

As you can see, the positives outweigh the frustrations…blah blah blah. LOL that just cracked me up.

Life–I choose life.

Yesterday, we had our 12 week appointment, unexpectedly. I’ve had spotting for the past 10 days and yesterday it was more than that. My appointment was originally scheduled for this morning. I debated just waiting because for some strange reason I have this phobia of being a pain in the ass, and asking for help.  After I kicked my own butt, I called the doctor and an hour and a half later was having another ultrasound and exam.

Sweet Pea is awesome. I have now made a pact with Sweet Pea and our Maker that I’m in this for the duration, that I realize how much fear wants to trap me and bring a different result than the dream. Faith says if I believe, God says, if I ask I shall receive – and so those are tried and tested principles that I choose instead of the scary fear. They were able to determine why I’m having the bleeding – it’s a hemorrhage where the placenta is growing over the cervix. I trust that the hemorrhage will dry up and the placenta will shift upward. None of this causes any alarm for the baby. In fact, I call him or her my dancing, swimming child. What joy it was to see this tiny [2 inch from crown to rump] life swim towards the camera, do a back flip and quicker than the blink of an eye, see his or her feet swimming away from me. It’s almost like Sweet Pea was saying, in a very high voice, “Hi mom!  Look at me!” We love S.P. so much. Look at our baby…

As for me, I’ve been asked by doctor to really limit my activity and to rest. Basically, I was given license yesterday, to put me first. I’m going to. I eat well, I drink lots of water and milk. Hubby told me last night that I’m not having a garage sale in two weeks. So, box by box, I’ll just donate it to Goodwill.  Even better, really.

Spring is Sprung!

Good morning! I have that famous little ditty sang by Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O’Connor zipping through my head this morning.  We slept with our windows open for the first time this year!  My head is stuffed up and I am lovin’ it!

I’m just thinking and reflecting this morning on all the visions I have for my family over the course of the next several months.  Visions pertaining to our home, our numbers, our hobbies.  I was doing a lot of research online yesterday for a nursery. Finally, I walked back to what will be the nursery and I had the greatest ideas and that has me excited.  It will be a gender neutral nursery, incase we decide to have another baby. 

I’m having a garage sale at the end of the month. Can’t wait to shed our new home of stuff we haven’t used or needed, in the past year. I’ve made several trips to Goodwill, since we’ve lived in Indee and it’s liberating. I also can’t wait to be on the hunt for bookcases, items for nursery, and outside toys for my kiddo. I had a hard time waking up this morning. Jacob did not. I listened to him chatter, in his room, for 10 minutes or so before he emerged to snuggle and get a fist full of my hair. I flashed back a brief second to when he would wake up cheerful and chattering and chirping, in his crib. Each syllable made no sense to me, but it was one of the happiest of sounds. This morning, his inflection and rhythm was very much like those mornings in his crib, but I could understand everything. He is such a joy.

Enjoy this Sunday, dear readers. Embrace your family often. Rest.

A Dream

It’s official.  I’ve had my first baby dream, this pregnancy. I dreamt that Jacob and I went furniture shopping, with the most darling baby girl, in her carrier. She was so delicate, so tiny and SO beautiful!  She was smiley at just days old [definitely a dream] and we were in awe of her – all of us. My first two pregnancies, I dreamt about boys – and they were.  =D We have 8 weeks to find out. Palm Sunday we will be in the second trimester.

Jacob told me this morning he remembered he had a bad dream about me, in a restaurant. I assured him, it was a dream and that I’m safe and well. I told him my dream – to lighten it up a bit. He smacked his hands together and threw his chin up to the ceiling. “Oh man! I wish I had that dream! It’s the coolest ever!”

I couldn’t agree more.

Robots, Popeye’s & Fanta

The weekend was how a weekend should be.  Friday morning, I spent the morning at preschool with Jacob and his classmates.  It was Robot day.  I sat down to read a story to the kids, while we waited for the teachers to begin the day.  Talk about a captive audience! I was a spotlight hog and all I had to do was make different voices and facial expressions and the children were putty, in my hands.  They swarmed me and I felt so warm and fuzzy.  So did they.  One classmate whispered loudly to Jacob, while I was reading, “Jacob – why is your mom here today?” Jacob turned, an annoyed look on his face and said, “Because she wants to be.”  Good answer son.  What fun it was to see their imaginations working, as they designed their robots. They all called me, Mrs. Diers.  I really loved that because I’ve been married 5 1/2 years and I’ve probably been called Mrs. Diers, 2 or 3 times. 

Later, was the “fright”….which led to an impromptu date with Hubby.  He will always be my favorite person to spend time with – and Friday evening was exceptional. Saturday, we were lazy until we didn’t want to be anymore. I made good food while Hubby cleaned the garage.  Jacob and Daddy played some t-ball.  Jacob took one of dad’s line drives straight to the forehead.  Our kid was an animal – it didn’t even phase him.  He just wanted to keep playing.  We all snuggled up and watched Up, Saturday evening.  Sunday, I woke up truly rested.  I didn’t realize how I hadn’t been, until I did.  We went to church. I really like how our small congregation is intimate, in their relationship with God.  I found myself challenged, with Pastor’s sermon - with all the tools I have at my disposal and how I haven’t picked one of them up to bring glory to Him or to fulfill my own dreams.  I must do better.  I must sit down at the piano.  I must learn guitar. I found myself saying over and over, in my mind, “I love you,” to God. Taking communion is one of my favorite parts of church.  I can’t even put my finger on why…I just love it.  God is good, my friends and He lives in us.  Following church, we went to Waterloo.  Hubby wanted to make a Menards trip.  We ate at Popeye’s – needed something fast for this prego mama. It was yummy and I did something I don’t normally do….ever.  I took a risk on strawberry Fanta soda, out of the fountain.  Oh. My. Gosh.  It tasted like something from back in the “old” days and was heavenly.  I slammed it and got another.  While at Menards, we got a bird feeder. =D  I have a charming, birdhouse outside my kitchen window.  I’ve been thinking about how lovely it would be to see pretty, colorful birdies out there. 

We got some birdseed for songbirds.  Won’t that be a sweet delight to all my senses? 

A Fright

Yesterday, out of the blue, with very different factors – from Levi, we had a scare of miscarriage.  We were ordered an ultrasound, at the hospital and after dealing with rude, people in the healthcare professional field [not our doctor], we finally got to the ultrasound to have two of the dearest ultrasound techs take our scan.  According to the radiologist and our doctor, Sweet Pea is perfect. They scanned his/her heartbeat 4 times and it ranged from 158 to 178.  We could see Sweet Pea moving around in there.  His or her movements were just like an infant.  =D  The techs were trying to take a “good” shot for us.  They gave us four different shots, each quite similar but with different color backgrounds since they can’t see if it’s a boy or girl yet.  LOL  This was all their idea, they were trying to bring us some comfort, while I was absolutely NOT in denial this time.  We met with our doctor afterwards and she walked in with a huge smile and comforted us that Sweet Pea is perfect and right on target for where he or she should be. 

After we got through that unexpected appointment, Steve and I walked out of the office, and he held my hand and planted a solid kiss on me.  One of my favorite things about being married is the communication which requires no words.  In one kiss, I felt he was telling me, “I knew Sweet Pea was ok;  I love you so much and I treasure you.”  Then, I realized how famished I was.  Jacob was with our friend.  After I phoned to check on him and tell her that everything was all right, she encouraged us to take our time. Steve wanted to eat out. I pointed to my pajama pants and gross t-shirt.  That’s right, I wasn’t kidding about just where I thought this experience was going. Hubby said, “I’ll go into the mall and get you an outfit. All you have to do is sit here and think of where you want to go eat.”  Almost 30 minutes later, he emerged with a splendid bag from JCPenney’s with charming Spring-colored maternity tops, a pair of dark maternity jeans, a lime green hoodie and a pair of black maternity capri pants.  I was so moved by this whole action – it was so intimate. I decided Red Lobster [cuz it’s one of his favorites].  He reminded us that it’s Lent season. I suggested Lone Star and he said, “Perfect.”  I actually changed in the vehicle on the way to Lone Star from the mall!  It was a rush of adrenaline and not a bit exciting to any spectators.  Hubby and I could only laugh because I was grunting and groaning so much trying to get the jeans on, while I was sitting down.  We enjoyed a nice meal and conversation, which focused mostly around how delightful it was for me, to be with Jacob in preschool that morning.  We also talked at length about Boy Wonder and what a wonder he is. 

I still wasn’t feeling too well, once we got home, but it was normal pregnancy symptoms.  I wrote on Facebook last night, that I’m in disbelief that we are almost 11 weeks and the yucky symptoms are just now showing up….BUT I am grateful for them. I am extremely fatigued the past 3 days.  I decided last night, I will rest when I need to.  Steve was in total agreement with this.  I need to ignore the pressure and perfectionism, which I conjure  up myself, to keep the house a certain way or to cook major meals every night – at least for a bit. Today, we have zero plans.  It’s going to be a beautiful day outside, so we will be spending some time, in our yard and garage. I plan to make guacamole today and maybe some potato salad and definitely some chocolate ice cream.  =D    

There’s Sweet Pea!