The joys….

Can I get a “what what” for Ocean Spray sparkling juices please? I need to get diet next time….but these things are delicious! A pregnant lady can only drink so much water.

With seven weeks to go [when the c-section has been scheduled for], I’ve lost count of the comments about how I’m ready to pop any day now. It cracks me up. My favorites are the faces after I smile and light up my eyes and say, “Nope, 6-7 weeks to go!” Their mouths drop open and pity comes a-pourin’ out. I really don’t mind what people say to me about my growing baby belly. I get a sort of weird sense of pride. In my mind I’m thinking, “Ya…it don’t get much more woman than this – growing a Diers-Hoffman boy.” Laying in bed last night, watching tv, a commercial came on for some type of food, I can’t remember now what it was. Steve says, “You’re pregnant – why don’t you crave stuff like that?” He asks because he wants it in the house for him. I reply with, “ I crave steak.” We laughed. I felt like I should pound on my chest as I said it.

I’m not going to lie. I’m starting to freak out about how different activities are going to work over the next several weeks. I forgot how difficult it is to roll over in bed. I also didn’t want to be reminded of the numbness that can occur on the inner thighs with any exertion at all. It’s a strange thing when you realize your pelvis is mostly numb and you’re supposed to continue walking but you feel like your torso is disconnected and your legs are walking behind you. Very strange. Thank goodness for tennis shoes. I can’t afford pedicures as often as I need them. My Mizunos provide excellent comfort and support as well as hide my feet, which short of being hairy, look like they belong to Frodo Baggins. Also, thank goodness for a pretty face. No one is noticing how I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks because they’re looking at my belly, my cleavage or my face, which none bother me at all. Go ahead and look because this is the body of a proud mama cooking a little human that is going to add so much color and flavor to our lives and many lives which he encounters. I can’t wait to look in his face and call him by name.

A break.

I have recently, in order to process some things, gone back through and read when this blog started. We have had almost 5,000 page views in 9 months. I think that is astounding. Thank you dear readers. As I read through those first few months of posts, I could feel a definite change as time moved on - like I’ve turned this into more of a journal. The creative writing, while it had a long way to go, has been buried …..somehow. I believe it’s because I’ve been preoccupied with growing our newest member of our family. I can’t apologize for this. I am who I am. I don’t feel like my posts of late, are me. I feel like they are the ramblings of a shallow victim.  Right now, I’m a cocoon of a precious life and I don’t like to dig too deep inside of myself for those real, gritty places to pour out from.  I’m disappointed in myself to not go full hog and share things that are thought provoking and relatable. Therefore, I’m taking a break until I can write about the stuff that matters. For real. The stuff that matters forever. When I write, I desire to dig deeper and stay close to the raw. I feel myself being drawn to nest and settle in for the last leg of this pregnancy. My Boy Wonder started kindergarten this week. Now is a time to realign priorities and making visions come to pass for my family AND rest. Creativity be mine – for me and for my family the next several weeks. I know that while I have not been pouring out song or poem or writing – you are forming a reserve and deep well inside of my son growing strong and beautiful inside. Thank you!

9 weeks to go

I have not been practicing to keep it cool and go with the flow. Physically, I’m not doing anything I can’t do because I literally tucker out so fast. I know that compared to many other pregnant mommies I sound like a big baby. WAAAAAAAHAAAHAAAAWAAAA! I am quite uncomfortable the past 4 days and I’m trying to say to myself, “ONLY 9 weeks to go! ” instead of “Holy shit – 9 weeks to go. "  I was talking to my mom on the phone last night. The thought occurred to me that I have 10 more days until my Boy Wonder starts kindergarten and every day I’ve been beating myself up over the stuff I’d want to have done before baby brother arrives. Guess what I did this morning? I determined to only do stuff with Jacob. My dirty dishes from last night aren’t even done yet today. I will have 6 hours a day to get things done while he is in school in 10 days. SO…..we played Candy Land in bed this morning. He let me nap off and on because I am exhausted. He stayed by me and watched a movie. I’d wake up and he was right there. The one time he had made me a “Fire Exit Strategy” paper. I went and got the Flip camera to record him because I knew I’d want to have that for posterity. He made his own buttered toast this morning. It’s amazing watching  him do these things. I’m feeling guilt because I’m not outside with him in this gorgeous weather. I just need more energy. Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment. It’s the glucose screening. I imagine the blood work will reveal I have low iron. I was taking iron a while ago, but it was having some strange effects and so I decided, “Well, maybe I won’t need it this time!” It’s not a wonder that the only thing I crave is red meat!

I do have a standard, in mind, of how I want the house to be by the time Sweet Pea arrives. Why? Because it is how I am built. I’m just giving up the carrying out of this vision and guilt of not getting it done while I  have my Boy Wonder at home. So, I may be calling on a few of you to come help me. If nothing else, it would be fun to have someone to laugh and talk with while I take on these tasks.

Major relief came yesterday when Hubby and I decided on a name. Ha! No! We are not sharing. It is the surprise we like to make everyone wait for. It does feel good to know we have it mostly decided. I love it. I absolutely love it. I am so excited to see my Jacob and his baby brother and to hold them against me, together, for the first time. There are no words, only glossy eyes.

Minions

Funny story and insight as to how my hubby and I tick. So, there is an even more hilarious story that happened prior to the one I'm blogging about...but it would be really embarassing to put it in a blog. Not for me, but for hubby. Sometimes, I get diarrhea of the mouth and show little restraint and my hubby is far more private.
However, I won't disappoint ... he gave me good blogging material last night. We had a lazy evening. This. Never. Happens. It was great. We were watching Restaurant Impossible on the Food Network. Chef Robert Irvine is pretty intense and he knows what he wants and he gets what he wants. It's not just editing - he really does get what he wants from the design team and restaurant owners and staff on each episode. He has great vision. He drives the whole team to accomplish terrific feats with VERY limited time. He's not polite about it and he doesn't coddle anyone. I'm sitting there getting irritated. So, I identify my frustration and ask hubby, "Why can't I get the results he does by making my expectation known and getting the help to see it accomplished?" Steve turns his head to look at me. There it is - the look of complete neutrality. One of Steve's strong suits is he does not get riled, he does not let confrontation - true confrontation EVER happen. Harumph. How annoying for someone that enjoys arguing. Steve says, "Robert Irvine is a well-established, renowned chef." I interrupt, "So? I'm a well-established wife! I have great vision for things in our home and I ask nicely and  have to wait and wait and wait and I just want some things done." Again, with that look. [I should clarify, I'm not really talking about spending money on things in our home...more of needing help moving things and getting them to where I want them and ok..maybe a little bit of spending money.] I say, "Oh, I know what. We need to hire me some employees. Robert Irvine pays those people to carry out his demands and vision." Steve laughs at this, "Ya. How do we explain to applicants what they're applying for?" Then he says, in a high-pitched [what he thinks is my voice], "I'm hiring someone to do my wishes." Of course, I'm laughing like an idiot by this time. AND here comes the example of what he does every time I start to feel agitated about anything - he makes me roar with laughter. "Honey, you don't need employees. You need minions." After sleeping on it, I wake up this morning with this question: How do I breed minions like the fella, from the movie,Despicable Me?
Thank you for the huge laughs the past 15 hours Steve!

Answers

You know, I feel great. Physically, I'm a little haggard from the recent humidity hell and insomnia I've been dealing with. Give me pain over heartache any day. I may bitch and moan about it but when I have my mental and emotional and spiritual levels where they should be - ALL is A-OK. :D
We are quickly motoring towards the first day of Kindergarten for Jacob. We registered this week and it was a great experience. I had been worrying quite a bit. Jacob is ready for kindergarten intellectually. I was a little worried about emotionally. However, considering that I've had the privilege to stay at home with him except for 21 months of his life, I decided to cut myself and him a break. In the past 2 weeks, Jacob is making great strides to being ready for kindergarten. We are preparing him that it will be scary....at first. Daddy and Mama always want him and won't be able to wait to see him every day when he's finished. Since his birthday party, he has become a seriously rambunctious 5 year old. He's bounding around everywhere getting owies and twisted ankles or wrists and bumps on the head. He attended a few days of VBS at the church, he attended preschool to "throw him in the pond and make him swim". Oh and to learn about Jesus. He loves talking about Jesus. He will play the VBS music and turn it off and start preaching. Hmmmmm...kinda reminds me of someone. My Granma used to be the janitor at her church. While she'd clean the sanctuary, I'd get up in the pulpit and start giving sermons. I was very good - Granma said so. Of course my siblings wanted to punch my lights out..but...what are ya to do with the firstborn? That's right - you suck it up and take it. ;) We are thrilled with the teacher Jacob will have for kindergarten. I've heard ALL the teachers are wonderful in kindergarten, but I was praying for this one because Jacob does require some familiarity. It was one of those experiences that I was fretting but when I kept hearing from gads of locals that all the Kindergarten teachers were great, I decided to trust God to put Jacob right where he needed to be. I really enjoy when my idea of what is best, lines up with God's. School registration was also gratifying because a year ago, I basically knew NO ONE. This year, I knew all kinds of people and met even more. Yay for socialization! I'm gonna gain so many new friends, as my kid does. I am so ready.
My last post was about grief. It comes and goes in waves. This post, as I sit and write, I feel  a lot of hope. For the readers that are grieving, feel the loss and move on, at it's pace. It really is like a body of water. The wind and the moon, the tilt of the earth keep it moving. I have found when I allow myself to experience it - not drown in it - it always recedes and the sun comes out again and the water is calm. It's temporary and the rising storms are less and less - but cherish the grief too. God gives beauty for ashes, joy for sorrow and hope for mourning. Don't be afraid of it. My friends that imparted encouragement and support...again...I love you.